The sun is rising in the land of the rising sun

Happy thanksgiving everyone and no one. The sun is rising and I am feeling good. I had watch all night but it was good because I downloaded all the Rosetta Stone Japanese lessons. I am going to study them like no other. I hope my Japanese will get better. What else is going on? Not a whole lot. Going to Gunma this weekend. I am happy to get out of Tokyo for a couple day. Chill with my Japanese family. They are amazing people. Cook me great food to order and everything. So I am out, don't to anything I wouldn't do, whichis almost nothing. Have fun!

Death and zen thinking

So yesterday at 3 pm pacific time my grandmother passed away. This was my step fathers mother. We knew it was coming but I didnt realize this soon. When I found out I told my boss I was leaving work. I could not just sit there and think about it in that office. So I went home and decided to go to the indoor snowboard park that is maybe 45 min from my apartment. I havent been on a board in 2 years and it showed but I could really clear my mind. Everything just melted away. I was truly at peace. I was in a freezing room with a bunch of people I didnt know that could not speak english. It was great! I took the train home and on the way I had a horrible thought. Some day we will all be dead and the world will go on without us. I will be in the ground and be nothing. Just forgotten by everyone except those closest to me. It really scared me. Maybe other people think this way but I dont know. I was close to having a full blown panic attack right there on the train. I put some music on and calmed down but it still lingers with me hours later. I gotta go to the store now and cook some dinner. Hope all is well with everyone. Rap at you later.

Divorce sucks

I think everyone everywhere can agree to the statement in the title. It is horrible to go through. Even though I initiated it I still feel horrible. I just dont understand though how someone who says they love you could not want you to be happy no matter what, and more so wants to go out of their way to make life difficult for you because you dont want to live life unhappy. If she came to me and said that she feels she would be happier with a different life I would be sad but I would want nothing more than for her to persue her happiness with or without me. She doesnt see it that way. She said she will be making my life as difficult as possible. I explained that it has nothing to do with the wife she was or how she is as a person. That is the truth too. As a partner she was great, I have just felt the loss of a connection and I wont be happy if I continue this marriage. It really sucks but it has to be done. I just cant believe now she just wants to hurt me and make things difficult. Its insane it really is. Life will go on and truthfully nothing anyone can do will hurt me too much. I would just like to make this easy and quick which is possible but she is not going to let that happen. No one reads this but if anyone does for some reason, and advice would be great. Thanks

the weirdest shit

so back in my heyday before I became a responsible adult(I know it makes me laugh too) I worked for various pizza resturants. I got fired a lot because I was a shitty employee but one place I did ok for almost a year. At this place I met a guy who listened to much of the same music I did. We became good friends fast. I remember the day I started working I walked in early on a weekend and he had Strung Out playing loud as fuck. I thought that was just about the greatest first day of work ever. So through me posting on BSC (Brenden Kelly of The Lawrence Arms blog) this guy asked me where my screen name came from. It just so happens it is the same fucking guy I worked and was friends with. His band is named For The Night and it is so named that because he and I came to work one day and the back wall had been spray painted with a picture of a bed and 3 short words. For The Night. Well it was pretty poetic and kind of amazing. We talked about starting a band with this name but nothing ever happened and I guess he ended up using it later. It always stuck with me as 3 beautiful words with so much meaning behind them in many different ways. So I use it for this blog and posting and some other things. It has become almost an alter ego in some respects for me. Its the part of me that is scared of connection. The part of me that wants to forget things for one night sometimes. Its many parts of me. This is so strange and cool that things happened in this way. Life is crazy in all the right ways.

So my idiocy has shown itself again

I made a new blog because I forgot about this one. I like this one better so I am going to keep this one and delete the other one. Score one for me being forgetful. All the previous posts on her are void now. All were written when I was on a ship. I had shoulder surgery and am now just chilling and working in the navy legal office which is a whole different kind of crazy. So here is to new beginnings. Kampi!